If there's a movie out there this creepier than this movie, I will be thoroughly impressed. Not since the George Romero original Night of the Living Dead have I been this creeped out by a zombie movie. And that includes the original Dawn of the Dead. Which I consider to be more fun and funny than it was scary. Seriously, when there's a mall overflowing with zombies wanting to eat your skin do you really stop to get your blood pressure taken?
It starts plainly enough inside of a hospital where nurse Anna is getting ready to enjoy a 3 day weekend at home with her husband. She's taken a-back to discover that a patient who came into the ER the previous day with a bite was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit. But what does she care? She's off for the weekend. Seeing as how I work in a medical care facility and knowing what I know now with Zombies, I vow on this day on a stack of Bibles, that if I ever hear of anyone being admitted into ICU because of a bite I will run home as fast as my chubby legs will carry me and the get the hell outta Dodge.
At home, Anna and her husband get it on in the shower while reports of disturbing news played unheard on their television. The next morning, the Neighborhood Brat comes into their house and stand rather menacingly in their bedroom doorframe. I've seen to many movies where kids are no longer themselves to trust this little girl to have any good intentions when she breaks into my house while I'm still asleep. From now on, I don't care who it is, if I see someone just standing around in my bedroom when I wake up, I'm grabbing the Widow Maker. an laying down some Southern Ingenuity. Little kid? *SNIKT* Lost sniffling puppy? *SLASSSH*
So the little girl who managed to get into a locked house thustly rips out Anna's Husband's neck and devour it. Quickly whatever is wrong with the little girl becomes the Husband's problem and starts attacking Anna. Anna makes it out of the house and into her car where she sees utter CHAOS!!!! Unfolding. And what takes place is. . .I can't even describe it. Mayhem, Armageddon, the end! Anyone and everyone are attacking each other horribly. A lasting image I will take to the grave is Anna pulling behind a school bus and through the rear window we see two high school boys biting and gnawing at a girl desperatley trying to fend them off. BROOOOOOOOOTAL.
But as in every movie where the central character is trying to flee from a doomed town, her car crashed into a tree and is no longer able to be driven. When Anna wakens she is staring the barrel of a shotgun held by Police Officer Kenneth played by Ving Rhames. Together they meet with a small group of survivors consisting of Michael, Andre and his wife Luda and they all make their way to the nearest safe haven. The Mall.
And the mall is pretty much where the rest of the movie will unfold. There we meet Security Gaurd, CJ. And later a larger group of survivors gain entry to the mall. One of which is Frank played by Matt Frewer, and his daughter. There's also a 400 pound woman is pretty much on death's door. Her skin is placid, and sickly. Mucous leaks from every opening on her face, and she can hardly breath. POW!!! Shovel to the face if I were these people. Instead she's allowed to die. Well. Alls well that ends well I guess. AAAAAAAAHHH!!! This must have been a stunt woman in a fat suit. Because I've never seen a 400 pound woman get up and run so fast in my life!! Suddenly she's coming after Anna again, but this time Anna is having non of it, and shoves a fireplace poker up her nose, shutting down her brain.
It's at this time they discover how the disease is transmitted. Through the bites of people already infected. DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear Christ, how did these people survive this long?
The biggest thrill of the movie comes later when the group of victims decide to make a break from the mall and head for a boat in the harbor to head towards what they hope is a deserted island. Using two buses that are at their disposal in the garage, they modify it so as to escape the mall and fend off the zombies. And if you thought you've seen zombies before, you haven't seen ZOMBIES!! A crowd of zombies like you haven't seen. Have you ever been to Disneyland on a Memorial Day Weekend? Well this is it!!! Wall-to-wall zombies. This movie puts Resident Evil to shame. And I'm sure that when the new Resident Evil movie comes out, it won't even hold a candle to it.
FINAL ANALYSIS!
While never as good as the original by George Romero, this movie does hold it's own. It's a better remake than that of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. New Line Cinema better take notes if they truly are going to make a sequel (prequel?) to Texas Chainsaw.
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