The saddest movie I’ve ever seen. A guy who slowly slips into craziness right before our eyes. Not the action-thriller the trailer makes the film out to be, but a great movie non-the-less.
9. Ocean’s 13
Not as good as the first, but WAY better than the second. Had all the elements I enjoyed in the first movie, funny cast, a reason for all 13 guys to be in the film, good acting and a great twist on how they were gonna get away with their crime. Overall, a fun, enjoyable film.
8. Fantastic Four – Rise of the Silver Surfer
Now I enjoyed the first film, but with Doug Jones as the Silver Surfer, that elevated this film into my top 10 of the year. Alba and Gruffudd are still two of the worst actors in Hollywood and McMahon is still terrible as Doom but Chiklis, Evans and Jones make this film not just watchable, but actually a damn good film.
7. Planet Terror
I could not put Grindhouse together as one film, coz I enjoyed Planet Terror so much and just absolutely hated Death Proof. Planet Terror was exactly what I wanted out of Grindhouse. Blood, guts, sexy chicks, bad acting, a ridiculous plot and just everyone having way too much fun making a bad movie on purpose. I recommend buying the Planet Terror edition of the DVD and not the dual movie version.
6. Transformers
Couldn’t put this film any higher with the awful fucking acting in this film. The human only scenes are almost unwatchable. But all the scenes of the Transformers make this movie a must-see. I can’t wait for the sequel where the filmmakers may be smart enough to make the film ABOUT THE FUCKING ROBOTS! COME ON! WE WANT MORE GIANT ROBOTS!
5. Shoot ‘Em Up
FUN! FUN! FUN! That’s what I want in a film and that’s what I got here. An obnoxious anti-hero thrust into impossible situations, a vicious villain who is equally witty and lots and lots of action. If you didn’t catch it in theatres, go rent it right now.
4. Ratatouille
Pixar does it again. A film about a rat who can cook. How can you make a good film out of that? I don’t know, but Pixar pulled it off. A cute story, amazing graphics and a wholesome family theme. It is a perfect family film.
(TIE) 2a. The King of Kong - A Fistful of Quarters
Who knew that a documentary about Donkey Kong would capture my heart this year? The perfect film of good vs. evil, I was on the edge of my seat the entire time.
(TIE) 2b. Hot Fuzz
I didn’t care for Shaun of the Dead, but this film kicked my ass. A brilliant parody throwing in all the clichés of an action film. Plus, some hilarious dialogue and action-packed stunt sequences, it is a must see.
Who didn’t see this one coming? The trailer showed how beautiful and bloody this film was gonna be. A great film based on a great graphic novel. Gerard Butler was the break-out actor of the year and the additions they made to the film (from the graphic novel) were actually good additions. This is one hell of an action flick!
10. Smokin’ Aces
Unlike 300, the trailer for this film got my heart going but the film totally fell flat. A film where 10 bounty hunters trying to kill one guy should actually show the bounty hunters competing with each other and not just be a random, haphazard glob of mush that makes no sense whatsoever.
9. Hitman
This film would be a lot lower if it didn’t have a hot naked chick in it. A plot that made no sense. Some of the worst acting ever and some of the stupidest characters ever written. It was bad, but it had tits so it climbs up to number 8. The Hitcher: Sean Bean is great, but he makes bad decisions sometimes and this is one of those films. Usually I’m pretty pumped about a guy who kills for no good reason, but with all the talking Sean does in this film, maybe a little dialogue as to why he wants to torment the two kids would make his character a little more interesting. Instead we get a soulless film.
7. Saw IV
This is the exact opposite of The Hitcher. I did not need to know the backstory of Jigsaw for any reason. Saw was ok. Saw II was great. Saw III was pretty painful. But Saw IV was like being caught in one of Jigsaw’s traps but with no way to die and not live through the agony. It was that fucking painful.
6. Death Proof
A Tarantino film that was supposed to be purposefully bad starring Kurt Russell, how can it be bad? Well, write some of the longest, worst dialogue of all time. Don’t have a point and make your “killer” a whiny little bitch and you’ll get a film no one can enjoy.
5. Spider-Man 3
This only comes in at number 5 for two reasons. First, there were worse movies than this one this year. Second, the action scenes (as few and far between as they were) were actually really cool to watch. But basing the film on Kirsten Dunst (the worst actress in Hollywood) was the worst idea ever. Plus throw in three villains and a dance sequence and you’ve got one bad film. Holy shitty movie Batman!
4. Sweeney Todd
I know Truthbringer loved this film, but this is the first film in a long time I almost walked out of. All of the actors turned in great performances and the costumes and production design are flawless. Burton even does a good job directing this film. So why did I hate it so much? Because the underlying work that the movie is based on is utter shit! The music is horrible, half of the songs do nothing to enhance the plot or further the story in any way, shape or form. The story itself is intriguing, but every time I became engaged, they bust out in some song about something having to do with nothing! It was a painful ordeal to watch.
3. Pathfinder
Oh, Karl Urban, how did you agree to make this film? Based on a great graphic novel, this film was the anti-300. Boring, boring, boring, that’s all I can say. One guy versus the entire Viking army and he just whines and submits most of the time. Some great warrior you are, you can talk stupid people into tying themselves together so they can all fall off the cliff at once. Shit.
2. The Number 23
Jim Carey in a scary, psychological thriller. Bad idea. Worse movie. The shame was, Carey was actually really good. It was just a terrible script that made little to no sense. Plus the “twist” was so incredibly lame. OOOOOOOOO, Ace Ventura was the killer all along. How scary can that be?
Thank God, I did not pay to see this in theatres. Reno 911 the TV show is good in small doses. Reno 911 should never be made into a film ever again. Crude lame jokes. Same jokes over and over again. Plus, I’m a fan of un-PC jokes, but make them funny. Don’t just bust out a stereotype coz it’s funny, try to come up with some real funny jokes. God, this film sucked. Don’t see it.
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