The Covenant is basically The Craft but for boys. You see, in the late 1600’s in Massachusetts witches were discovered. They were burned and killed. Bad things happened. So families decided to hide their powers. Fast forward to modern day Massachusetts. Four boys of rich families are at boarding school. It turns out these four boys are the last four descendants of the witch families. They have witch powers, but there’s a catch.
You see, witches get “training powers” at the age of 13. These are less powerful than their adult powers which they receive at age 18. Don’t ask me where these ages came from? I think the writers just pulled them out of their asses. So our main character, Caleb (see rich boy’s name) is about to turn 18. He’s about to receive his almighty adult powers, but poor Caleb is sad.
In witch world, using your powers ages you. The more powers you use, the older you get. That’s great is you’re 18 and you wanna look old enough o buy a beer, but Caleb’s dad is 43 and he looks like he’s 107. I guess aging for witches is like aging for dogs. Bitches if you may.
So therein lies the fatal flaw with this film. The witches DON’T WANT TO USE THEIR POWERS!!!! How do you make a film about people with powers who can’t use them?! That’d be like if Wolverine went, “I can’t use my claws today. They make me old.”
There’s some sort of plot to this film having to do with a bad witch trying to take the 4 boys’ powers but I was in a diabetic coma by the time the film started unfolding.
Unfortunately, Steven Strait plays Caleb. For those of you who have seen Sky High (one of my favorite kids movies) Steven Strait is Warren Peace. He’s a good actor and he actually does a fine job in this dribble. But in the end, even his acting cannot save this garbage.
So now to the infamous line. During the final fight scene between Caleb and the bad witch, the bad witch actually says to Caleb, and I quote, “I’m going to make you my WE-ATCH!” I’m not kidding. That line actually made it into a studio produced film. Once I heard that that was a line in the film, I had to see it for myself.
There is no screen shot for this awful film and I was so bored by the end of the movie that I did not listen to the director’s commentary or the behind the scenes featurette.
Final Analysis:
This film is terrible. Avoid it at all costs. If you need teenage witches, watch Sabrina or rent The Craft. Do not see this under any circumstances.
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