Well it is a gory movie. And. . . that's it. That's all that can be said for this movie. It's not fun, it's hardly a good time to be had by all. In fact it's probably the most boring movie I've ever seen. Which really makes me mad because I'm one of the few people I know that enjoyed and defended the first movie.
The hype surrounding this thing? Imeasurable. There has been talk all over the internet about all the secret kills and terrofying goings-ons inside the familiar wharehouse. There was even talk of an ending to the movie that may actually get this flick pulled from lots of theaters around the country. How can I resist not seeing this movie? The fact that I waited til' a Sunday afternoon is crazy! My anticipation was at a boil, and when the lights dimmed and the first frame rolled I was ready to be grossed out, pissed off, and any other emotion the movie wanted me to feel.
But the stupid fucking thing never left the ground! I can't believe there are so many internet fans that are loving this retarded thing. The story is more of the same, the kills are hardly as gruesome as the first one, and there was only character out of the cast that I even felt just a little sympathy for. What I think is rallying all the internet sites is the fact that "legitimate" (And I use the term, legitimate, so loosly you could wrap a 53'inch belt around it) are calling Eli Roth's latest flick "Torture Porn", a "Sick vision of where American cinema is heading". And that is the only part I'll agree with them on. This is not "Torture Porn" and anyone who even uses that phrase seriously is an untalented retard. For what I can give it, it's a form of art and a movie that I'm actually glad is being shown and with an R rating.
What it also is, is just fucking boring. Much like the first film it rolls along really, really slowly. But just when you think things might be picking up and the good time is about to start what's happening on screen is just so uninteresting that you couldn't give less of a shit. Take the first kill for example. By the way I'm going to spoil the hell out of this thing. So be forwarned.
Heather Matarazzo plays Lorna. The meekest, most innocent American to trapse across Europe and not want a plethora of cock. She gets swindleded with promise of romance and tenderness and ends up in the horrible situation that befalls her. She gets strung upside down above a bath-tub and gets bleeded out for an old hag to wallow in the red mess. Despite the fact that she can scream louder than Josh from HOSTEL, this scene was hardly difficult to watch. Sure it sucks that all sorts of cuts and slashes cause her to lose her life giving fluids, but personally I find someone slashing your achilles tendon and then forcing you to walk just a little bit more raw. Then that's it. Not another bit of hardcore to be found within a mile.
The first flick had fingers being lopped off, and people choking on vomit. And then the infamous "eyegasm". God that was a great scene. Fucking nothing happened in this movie. Boring as shit! Even the big scene in the movie that threatens to get this flick pulled from theatre projectors and burned in protest was nothing but a dude having his dick snipped off and fed to a dog. Honestly, it sounds much harsher than it really was on screen. If you think I'm kidding, well then, just go see this pile of shit for yourself.
The only interesting aspect of the film was the fact that we get to see the inner workings of the Hunting Company that provides hapless dim-wits for extra rich people to maim and torture for their leisure. From the online auctions they conduct to see who gets to torture the new meat. To the process they take for tattooing, and the contracts they sign. To preparing for their big moment and gowning up. Richard Burgi, and Roger Bart play Todd and Stuart. Todd is ready to fuck someone up and Stuart is hesitant. He's what Todd would consider a giant pussy. The fun thing is at the end when the two of them switch roles. Todd is no longer wanting to go forward with the murder, and Stuart can't wait to finish it! In fact, he's so happy he wants to take another life while he's down there. And when he does he goes in there and slashes her throat. Off camera. As if they had the good taste not to show it.
Also unlike the first one there is a surprising lack of tits and ass? I mean, c'mon! Heather Matarazzo had a pretty nice rack, but she was strung upside down and about to be tortured. So I couldn't take much joy in that, knowing what was about to happen to her. There was no shortage of dick however. Including the finale there were a total of two cocks, which is one more than allowed per fantasy.
I'm going to lay the blame all on one man for this waste of time and money. Eli Roth. So far he's annoyed me with two of his four projects. CABIN FEVER and this one. HOSTEL and his trailer for THANKSGIVING were the only projects of his I've had fun with. This movie suffers from terrible writing. And it is really, really awful writing. I don't care one fuck about any of these characters, and quite frankly I'm glad 80% of them die. Not that this movie was an excuse to do a movie where people die terribly, like DEVIL'S REJECTS was. I honestly think there was a story buried in here somewhere. It just so happens that gore (when used right) can be fun! It's just. . . this movie is so goddamn boring! I want to scream!
Another big problem that has a lot of people up in arms is the fact that the head of Bloodhound Hunters whatever company shot one of those rotten kids from the first film in the head. Uh oh! Kids getting killed in a movie? Haven't seen that before recently. Like FEAT or NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. At least they gave reason as to why those kids are so fucking rotten. At least that was one kill where showing it off screen was a compliment.
FINAL ANALYSIS!
This such a shitty movie. My theatre was packed full of people and all of us as we were leaving the theatre were saying basically the same thing. "What a hunk of shit." Or, "God that was awful." And I couldn't agree more.
Eli Roth is seriously one of the most up and coming horror directors. In most people's minds he's made it to the top of that genre already. I still think he has a ways to go. I know he'll get there though. ALl the evidence I need is the fact that in the opening when someone's head has been chopped clean off, a cute little kitty cat is snacking on the stumpy, meaty remains of his neck, smacking his lips covered with blood. Fucking awsome.
Unfortunatley, that's the only funny part or interesting scene in the whole thing. Just a steamy lump of shit. God I hate this movie.
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