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| The humble beginnings of me, began with a gleam of hope in my parents eyes. And 18 years later, when they could see what they've brought forth would become as a man, it was all they could do to keep from crying hysterically.
The humble beginnings of this website started almost the same. Except without the sex. Although as much crying went into it's creation. Since 2001, our little slice of the internet has gone on to capture the imagination of insomniacs and college caffeine fiends. Currently, we hold the title of being the 78th most popular website in Bumbleskunk, Georgia. GO BROWN-TOADS! |
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| Unasked, and unwantedly, my brother Truthbringer forced me to take part in this cornball experiment that has garnered such attention not seen since the Glendale Basset Hound Races of aught 6. But if I was to take part of suffering through the worst dredge Hollywood could sling I had only 2 conditions.
#1: My brother pays for my movie tickets all the time, every time. #2: Nothing, I mean nothing, with Joe Don Baker. |
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| Writing for Truthbringer is much like banging your head against a steel plated brick wall. It gets easier if you rise above the pain.
Seriously, breaking my back and a sweat for this site is like asking if I want my drinking water reclaimed or fresh from the toilet. It just doesn't make any sense. Dang if I don't go to sleep wondering about what mischief and mayhem we'll get into this next week though. But damn if this isn't one magical website. |
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| As creator and proprietor of the hit I, Vampire saga I needed an outlet for my genius when the epic of my writings were finally finished.
Truthbringer came before me in my office while I penned the last sentence of I, Vampire and brought with him many gifts of good tidings, for he requested a favor. "Masterful warrior of the ink pen, I implore you! My website, she suffers with each passing day. Is there nothing you can suggest that would breath precious life back into my baby?" With the overabundance of mercy and genius I was so graciously blessed with, I decided to aide my comrade and join his ever elite ranks. Bestowing on him the blessings of my readers. |
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| The first time I met Truthbringer, it was on Prom Night. Coincidently, the both of us and our dates were hijacked by two members of the same German terrorist team and we were on our way to meet their boss Hans.
We met in the lobby of a fancy hotel building. Before we were blindfolded we introduced ourselves. And then our hands were bound. We were forced to endure hours of beatings and degredation before McClane showed up and saved us. We get together every year to celebrate the day we met and to relive the horrible, horrible prom night we had. |
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| Well here we are! The Princess. We really. . . Uh. Gonna be honest with you. I don't know really what I'm doing for this website. Truthbringer came up to me and explained that we needed some pretty women in this show in order to comply with WWW standards.
Why else would a picture of me in a wedding dress be used? Don't I look awsome? Damn straight! |
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| That little girl Truthbringer. He couldn't hold his liquor if his life depended on it. I remember this one time the two of us were at a bar, and he ordered me a Rambo shot, and himself a Shirley Temple. He took a sip of his cherry flavored 7-Up and was out on the floor faster than a Twister board. Me? I downed that Rambo shot and his Shirley Temple.
Then we, oh . . .oh jeez. I gotta lay down for a minute. |
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| Like everyone in the business, getting onto a popular website like this, depends on who you know. And I know Ryan Hillcrist.
Who is Ryan Hillcrist you ask? I'll tell you. He is the man who once visited Australia Zoo. And if there's one person Truthbringer idolizes, it's the Croc Hunter. All you have to do is fake your way through a story about the Croc Hunter, and he'll be more enthralled than a moth with a lightbulb. |
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| When I met Truthbringer, he was auditioning for a spot on my now world famous High School Improv team. He walked up to the stage and shyly looked around, I asked him, “What’s your name kid?” and he said to me in a clear and resonant voice “I, sir am the Truthbringer.” I laughed and said to him, “Bullshit! the truthbringer is a legend, an old wives tale. He doesn’t actually exist. If your the Truthbringer tell me the truth.”
The broad young man smiled and said to me, “You are 18 years old and you just went through puberty a week ago. Your brother beats you up for sport, your girlfriend is sleeping with the guy next to you and that hat you’re wearing makes your nose look fat, try a fisherman’s cap, it has lighter shadows and will accent your eyes better. Oh and you’re struggling with your heterosexuality right now, but don’t worry it’ll all be clear to you in about four years when you meet a girl named Talya. And Orange isn’t as funny as you think it is, so change your shirt.” I made him co-captain of the team. |
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| The Boz's began their illustrious career with Truthbringer.com on the fateful night of a Team America: World Police sneak preview. Since then they've been one of our leading members.
Provayers of pop culture and one of the leading conversationalists regarding anything Army of Darkness, you'll be hard pressed to find people as cool as them. Unless you get on their bad side. I'm still reeling from the time they put bear traps around my room while I was sleeping. Good joke guys. Good joke. |
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| My tenure here at truthbringer has given me the privillage of studying under the tutilage of. . . well, one can only say "Genius." The aservic wit, and modest downplay of his beautiful mind have given me the deepest of insights into my own personality, and views of not only my life but the ever evolving life of the world around me. Without his constant demand to challenge my brain have turned what I use to percieve as shortcomings, into what I now see as oppurtunites. And I never would have met this man if it weren't for truthbringer. Sir? I thank you.
Of course I'm talking about Sherman Hemsley |
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| In the world of Bushido, there is no one more masterful in the art of Bushido, than Mighty Mallet. When Mighty Mallet first joined our ranks, he would constantly accost us with his mighty kitana of right. Attempting to lob our heads off at the neck, or run us through the gut. That's why we had to leave the binds around his wrists for the first 5 months.
After he quit trying to kill us, he started teaching us the secret ways of Bushido. 1. Love is Bushido. 2. Honor is Bushido. 3. Pineapple on Pizza, is not Bushido. |
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| Don't let this joke monkey of a website fool any of you. Truthbringer wouldn't be nearly so proficient at posting these photos if it weren't for me. He's an accomplished artist. But I'm the accomplished artist that TAUGHT him.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! |
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| What a man, what a hero. What a real AMERICAN IDOL.
I owe my internet career to Truthbringer. His selflessness is an inspiration to all. The way he takes the last bit of chicken for himself. The way he gulps down the last bit of soda, and the way he licks his fingers as he reaches into the popcorn bowl with his greasy hands. Tell me that's not the way of Bushido! |
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| That's right, I'm a black belt. And for posting this picture on the world wide web, I will drop kick the Truthbringer right in his throat.
That's actually my most favorit move. The throat drop kick. In fact, the more I look at this picture, the more I want to drop kick him in the throat. Maybe at least 4 times. You know what Tigger stands for? To Instigate Grappling Gurus Equals Revenge! |
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| Ahh yes Truthbringer. The first week of work at Universal, I busted him for making a retarded mistake. But since then I've widdled pretty much all the retard-mistakeness left in him. Who says women can't mold someone into a better person?
You could call us the Original Weekend Warriors because it's usually the two of us hitting theaters on Saturday. Even if we are seeing horrible, horrible movies. Like Below, or Ghost Ship. Pretty much almost every bad movie Truthbringer drags me to is based on a water craft of some type. How pathetic is that Hollywood? When the hell are good water craft based movies going to be coming out? Like Down Periscope? |
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| My disertation on why Double Dragon could very well be the best videogame ever:
After you and a buddy kick ass through the 10 some odd massive levels, killing thugs, dragon-kicking hookers, and uppercutting large bald guys named Abobo, you finally came to the final boss. Your quarters spent, you use every last ounce of hand dexterity and skill and you and your friend finally defeat him. High-fives are thrown, and the girl is finally rescued.... ...until..... THE SCREEN SAYS, "FIGHT FOR HER!" The person that you trusted most is now your mortal enemy. Brothers turned enemies! Two of you want to win, but only one can. Thats fucking metal! \\mm// |
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| I met the Truthbringer back in high school where the world wasn't such a scary place. Clinton was still running the country and it seemed as if things were all going to work out. Then we lost contact for almost damn near 6 years. And wouldn't you know, BAM! Here we are all over again. Sharing uncomfortable silence as we pass each other in the Truthbringer.com halls.
At first I was asked to just sweep up Truth's office. You wouldn't believe how many ho-ho and twinkie wrappers this man accumulates in a day. But then he noticed that I had an affinity for video games, and...well, there you go. |
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