First of all, there are just some people in this world that cannot say the word "fuck". It's not as easy to pull off as someone thinks it is. Believe me or not there is a science behind it. You have to have conviction and put stank on it before you can even so much as think of uttering that word of words. Kate Beckinsale is not one of those people. And when it comes to time to say that line only twice in this "R" rated movie, you just flat out laugh at her. Pointing and laughing at her.
Okay, so what is it about this movie that works? It's got two of some of the coolest characters ever put on film in recent years. The father of all Vampires, Marcus as played by Tony Curran and Corvinus as played Sir Derek Jacobi. The relationship between these two are one of the better points of the whole movie. Marcus is the father of all Vampires and his twin brother William is the father of all Werewolves. Corvinus is the evidentally immortal father to both of them. The story involving all these characters were great stuff, and what to me seemed as the main point of the story until Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman stick their noses in this thing and almost ruin it. Back in time, centuries and centuries ago, Marcus joined his Vampire army with Viktor's (From the first Underworld played by Bill Nighy) to rid the bastard werewolf sons of his brother. But Viktor has other plans in mind and bitch slaps Marcus in his place, and takes his brother the Great White Werewolf captive. To be locked away forever in a tomb that none can open. Iteresting stuff right? This is the premis the movie will follow as Marcus goes about finding the keys and the maps that will lead him to his brothers crypt.
So much of that story is lost when Kate and Scott get involved. Instead this movie is supposed to be about how Scott's character Michael (The newest is vampire and werewolf cross breeding) is supposed to be The One. Like Neo. No limits to his power, able to do things the other races could only dream about. All that is well and good until in his dying breath Corvinus has Kate's character Selene drink his immortal blood. To which he mentions she will be "the future". So, what the hell....Selene is now going to be more powerful than Michael? Then why did I sit through the two hours of the first movie, and all the first half of this movie investing in Michael as the future? Goddamn I hate when writers can't get their shit together.
Blah, blah, blah the rest of the story and we get to one of the coolest scenes in the whole thing. That almost makes me forget that writers still don't jack shit. (ALMOST!) When Marcus finally finds his brothers tomb and it clicks and creaks open, and the door swing wide. And standing there in the darkness....IS A GIANT FUCKING WHITE WEREWOLF!!! Like he's been waiting expectantly for his brother to come along. And in the same shot, said giant white werewolf lunges forward with hate and contempt until his brother can calm him. Holy Christ!
Which leads to yet another dissapointment. The giant white werewolf looks awsome. Really awsome. It's some of the best costuming I've seen in a long time when it comes to creatures. It just looks matted, and sweaty and dirty, it has a great bit of hair hanging from it's face, it just looks fucking amazing. The bad news is, when it comes time for this creature to fight, all it can do is crouch and growl. Seriously. Selene takes at least 30 pot shots at it with her handguns, and all the while it's just crouching and growling at her. Where the hell is the fight it had in it 15 minutes ago? Even the climactic fight between the wolf and Michael last only 2 minutes. Oh, and all that stuff about Selene being the future? It just means she keep Marcus from strangling her, long enough for her to throw him in rotating helicoptor blades. At least Michael uses his hands to do his killing. Way of the future my ass.
FINAL ANALYSIS!
Still, this movie is fun. Good mindless entertainment easily worth $10.00 and a bag of popcorn. Marcus' vampire makeup is some of the best makeup on film, his character and Corvinus' is enough to keep you intruiged. Kate Beckinsale looks hot in tight leather pants, and there's even a sex scene or two. Don't look forward to Kate's though. Unless stupid closeups of her abdomen gets your motor going. Cuz the way her belly was framed you can tell that Kate is extremley proud of that flat stomach.
The mood and the setting are the same as the first, dark and gothic. Which is not a complaint mind you. The movie looks great. Just don't go in there expecting revolutionary writing, or anything with a hidden message or subtext, cuz it ain't here brother. Fuck.